you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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