yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
