i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
