bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
