I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
