What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
