Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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