i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
