If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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