my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
