you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
