Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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