I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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