im six kinds of drunk right now
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
