I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
