Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So apparently I’m into choking now
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize