Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
