On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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