Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just want nice things and good sex
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize