I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
