My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
