Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
