He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
