what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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