the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
