I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
