I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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