I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
