Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
