The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
