i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
