I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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