i was born a porn star she said
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
