two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
