Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
