I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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