drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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