Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
pray to the hookup gods
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
