so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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