You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
