She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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