Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
