So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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