And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
