6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
