If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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