I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So many bounce houses so little time
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You pole danced in your parka.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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