This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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