after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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