Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
