We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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