They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
