I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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