I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
