Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
