Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
