dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
