I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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