Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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