she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
