I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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