In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
