I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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