dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We need a shit load of segways right now
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
