my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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