in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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