I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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