Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize