i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
