you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
