so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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